Saturday, August 8, 2009


I KNOW some of you are missing my exhaustive beach reports from Puerto
Rico. After Luquillo, in the north, east further down on highway #3 is Fajardo and the mentioned salty water facility for relaxation of sorts. The bad news is that it administered by that monster of ineptitude PARQUES NACIONALES, however this time more good that not is in our report.

SEVEN SEAS IS THE BEST BEACH IN Puerto Rico by DEFAULT. The toilets did not smell of you know what thanks to a different design and ventilation. There was PAPER, believe it or not, even though not much and
stained after falling on the floor and put to dry. Of the four toilets in the males section one was closed with padlock, one was clogged, one had evidence of some Jackson Pollock style painter art work, mostly brown in the right side ot the toilet seat with toilet tissue below with a touch of collage. This unique piece is to be hanged in the Parques Nacionales Hall of SHAME disgusting toilet in EVERY CARDINAL POINT IN PUERTO RICO IN public beaches.

And the fourth toilet? Well glad you ask the only one available to have someone sit is the handicapped one. One thing is certain the problems
mentioned regarding this lack of higiene and maintenance is not only responsibility of the incompetent public agency...A lot of puerorican hogs
are also responsible to have this smelly, ugly chaos in the isle beaches.

To finish with the toilets... The showers are far away...OF the ten or so I saw, one had water, all the faucets screwed up or none in place. Of the sinks there are eight. Two are missing with circular empty spaces, of the other six I tried them for this report...two are in working order.

ONE thing you can do if expecting to visit this PARADISE, before going to
the 3 mentioned or any other, have your stomach cleaned the day before
to avoid the possibility of this kind of adventure and piss in the sea or ocean depending if you travel north or south.

In other departments MUSIC, Seven Seas beat the crap out of Luquillo and Guanica. In the latter for example: Olga Tanhon shitty burn out
merengue singer, Juan Luis Guerra, Juanes, Jlo's Marc Anthony and Victor Manuelle. Of the group the last two stink.

IN SEVEN SEAS there is a sophisticated disco equipment, not the GUANICA blown out speakers used in concentration camps as in the GREAT ESCAPE: Victor Manuelle,
Ruben Blades, Ismael Miranda, Monchi y Alexandra, Fania, Donna Summer, Village People, Grupo Niche, wonderful from Colombia, and Bob Marley too little of both. But the dj can not be blamed due to his NY cultural background, probably
the Bronx, judging by his speech patterns and entonation. By the guay
before I forget, in the Bronx there is a Puerto Rican beach ORCHARD BEACH, I visited it 3 times. When there you think you are here and vice versa, you got that?

The end of this story came abruptly. As some of you may know Puerto Ricans have a repugnant habit of not respecting private space in public
or private contexts. Four people came. Two fat project types came twenty four inches to my left. Installed a hammock with their two siblings around.

It felt as if you (imagine this now) are in the living room of your house watching Cuentame como Paso or 77 Sunset Strip, and four stranger jerks come, sit and steal the remote control, changing the channel. What a trip!

So there you are, SEVEN SEAS is the best beach in Puerto Rico that I know.

The best for last. Brief botanical note. Not only this beach is the best from my perspective, it also has the HIGHEST variety of shade trees, PINES, predominantly by the water with great shade and soothing sound with the wind. Not many
palms thank god, empty recycling bins, a lot of safeguards and just a pleasure. Until next.....

NOTE for the five continents: Go to you tube if interested in the names of the artists mentioned, It could be an exasperating experience with some
or just something new to spend/kill time.

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